It’s fricken THIS.
#who just wants to watch the bees #will FORCIBLY SHOVE Dean out of harms way #to try and protect him from Dick #you can’t tell me that that isn’t love
(via bmoreprincess)
omg satin das so not eval
(via bmoreprincess)
Saying “no” isn’t always easy.
It is however, an essential part of maintaining our self-esteem and creating successful interpersonal relationships.
Finding the confidence to say “no” starts by investigating why we continue to say “yes”, even though we don’t feel comfortable complying.
1. You want to help people:
When we see someone struggling, it can be difficult to turn a blind eye—even if we don’t have the time or resources to help. Unfortunately, neglecting our own needs in order to meet the needs of someone else, is not a healthy way to help. At the end of the day, we have to put ourselves first—even if it means hurting someone’s feelings by saying “no”. Because if we aren’t taking care of ourselves, there is no way we can adequately take care of and help someone else.
2. You’re afraid of being rude.
Sometimes we stay silent and agree to do something we don’t feel comfortable with because we don’t want to hurt a person’s feelings. The problem however is that by not standing our ground, we end up hurting ourselves. Disregarding your feelings in order to protect someone else’s is not the answer. If someone perceives you as rude or disrespectful for refusing to do something you don’t feel comfortable with, that’s their problem—not yours.
3. You’re scared of conflict.
Saying “no” can be difficult because it comes with the possibility of creating tension. Some of us are afraid of conflict because we equate it with verbal and physical violence. The idea that someone might hurt us if we say how we truly feel is enough to keep us silent. It’s important to remember however, that conflict doesn’t have to lead to violence. More often than not, our fears about what will result from saying “no” are much more extreme than the reality. This distortion can only be recognized though if we take the risk and speak up.
While tension is uncomfortable and anxiety provoking, it’s also a normal part of life. By staying silent in an attempt to avoid confrontation, we inadvertently invalidate our own experience and feelings. Damaging your self-worth in order to maintain the status quo doesn’t help anyone. Conflict may be scary, but it’s also a chance to practice communicating. Instead of viewing confrontation as a bad thing, try to see it as an opportunity for growth.
4. You want people to like you.
A lot of us avoid saying “no” because we want to be agreeable and accepted. We fear that by saying how we feel, we’ll being judged and alienated. The problem is that when we act in a way that doesn’t coincide with our values and beliefs, people end up liking us for someone we aren’t. The reality is that not everyone is going to like us. That doesn’t mean we’re inadequate or unlikable, it just means that the friendship or relationship is not a good fit. If someone leaves because you say “no” then they’re not someone you want to be with. You deserve to have people in your life who make you feel safe expressing yourself. People who accept you for exactly the person you are. People who you don’t have to put on an act for. These people are out there—you just have to find them.
5. You don’t want to burn your bridges.
Sometimes we say “yes” even when we want to say “no” because we’re scared of ruining a friendship. “No” can feel like rejection to a lot of people. The idea of causing conflict in a relationship and possibly losing someone we care about can make us compromise ourselves and how we feel. If someone is a genuine friend however, they deserve your honesty. Chances are you wouldn’t want a friend lying to you in order to protect your feelings. You want people to be truthful and open with you. You want friends you can trust. Your friends are no exception to that.
How to Say No:
At the end of the day, it’s about how you say “no” that affects the outcome. There’s a difference between being aggressive and attacking and being assertive and firm. The former is more likely to cause conflict, violence, arguing, and turmoil in friendships. The later however, more often than not, allows for effective communication, inner peace, and the strengthening of friendships.
Here are some effective ways to stand your ground and speak your truth:
1. “I’m flattered that you would invite me, but unfortunately I can’t commit to X because I have other priorities at the moment.”
It’s perfectly acceptable to decline an invitation if you’re too busy to engage in the offer. Letting someone know that you’re busy at the moment gives you the time you need to tend to any work or previous engagements you’ve already committed to without coming across as uncaring or mean.
2. “Now’s not a good time because I’m in the middle of something. How about we reconnect at X time?”
Communicating in this way lets the person know that you aren’t available without making them feel blown off. It reassures them that just because you are busy now doesn’t mean you don’t want to spend time together at a different time.
3. “I’d love to, but I don’t feel comfortable doing this because of X, Y, and Z.
Putting emphasis on how you feel makes saying “no” less about rejection and conflict and more about taking care of yourself. It let’s the person know that the reason you can’t commit has nothing to do with their idea or them as a person, but about making sure you’re doing something you feel comfortable with.
4. “Let me think about it first and I’ll get back to you.”
This is a helpful response to give someone when you’re unsure about whether you feel comfortable committing to something. It relieves you of having to make a decision on the spot and allows you time to think more about if the person’s request is something you actually want to do.
5. “This doesn’t meet my needs right now but I’ll be sure to keep you in mind.”
Putting emphasis on your needs helps communicate that your decline of their offer isn’t a personal attack—it just means that what they’re offering isn’t something you’re looking for right now. Saying you’ll keep them in mind lessens the feeling of rejection by letting the person know that you are open to future plans.
6. “I’m not the best person to help on this. Why don’t you try X?”
This response lets people know that the reason you can’t help isn’t because you don’t care—it’s because you simply don’t have the tools or knowledge to help. By suggesting someone else who could assist them, you’re communicating that you still care about their wellbeing and want to support them.
7. “No, I don’t want to/I can’t.”
This may be the most difficult way to say “no”, but it is also the most simple and direct. It’s straight forward and get’s your point across.
***The more you practice saying “no” the easier it will become.
Know that saying “no” isn’t about hurting someone’s feelings, being rude, or causing conflict. It’s about giving yourself permission to get your needs met—it’s a form of self-care. Saying no is about respecting and valuing your time, your space, and yourself. Refusing to do something that makes you uncomfortable is something you have the right to do, always.
(via c0nsulting-detective)
STUPID FUCKING NICE ASSHOLE.
WATCH MISHA TALK ABOUT HOW A STUPID FUCKING NICE ASSHOLE HE IS. DAMMIT. YOU FUCKING LIFERUINER. IT MAKES ME MAD. AND TINGLY. AND STUFF.
That someone could be that important; that without them you feel like nothing. No one will ever understand how much it hurts. You feel hopeless, like nothing can save you, and when it’s over and it’s gone… you almost wish you could have all that bad stuff back, so that you could have the good.
(via bmoreprincess)
Inspired by this post.
Gif by: casinthetardis
Okay, THIS is the best one yet!
(via bmoreprincess)
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Rebecca. 21. Texan. Immature. Sarcastic. And a bit of a smartass. Army Brat. Concert Enthusiast. Lover of Life. Indecisive. Book nerd. Easily Amused.
I think too much and don't sleep enough. I find myself rather amusing and hilarious while everyone else thinks otherwise. I still wish on shooting stars. Coloring books are still fun to me. I yell and scream at my TV when I play video games because I get way too caught up in the action, same goes for football. My favorite movies/actors/books are always changing. And my faith in humanity is slowly dying.
I am a supporter of To Write Love on Her Arms and Invisible Children.
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